When You're Lonely
by NALEY23alwaysforever
Summary: "You only want me when you're lonely. You only call me when you're down. You only want me when you're lonely. But you can't have me now." Linstead. One Shot. Based off of Jana Kramer's 'When You're Lonely'. T for Language.


**A/N: So, I somehow missed this song when I downloaded all of Jana's songs when I first heard her sing and fell in love! I've been listening to 'When You're Lonely' on repeat for the past week and I can't get the idea of Linstead out of my head every time I hear it! So, I know that this wold probably never EVER happen in the real life of the show, but I hope you like this little one shot of mine anyways.**

 **And also, It's technically Jay whose perspective that I'm using in terms of this song, but I'm going to keep the lyrics as they are. so, whenever it says girlfriend or something, imagine it says boyfriend :P (I put a little asterisk next to the words anyways that should technically be different anyways since I'm kind of annoying about that kind of stuff haha)**

 **And I made an AU character for Erin's boyfriend because, well, I like Linseride too much to make Severide the dickhead he would be for this one shot :D**

 **PS: If you're a Jana Kramer fan, I'm so excited for her to have her baby! She's going to be an amazing mum I'm sure :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **~ When You're Lonely ~**

 **...**

 _I almost, didn't answer. When I saw your number.  
Don't you know it's 2:18, in the middle of the night?  
Did you fight with your girlfriend,  
Could you not sleep  
Did a strong shot of whiskey, leave you feeling weak?_

"So what was the reason this time?" Jay Halstead asked as he shrugged back into his jeans, trying to find his jacket that had been thrown somewhere when he entered her apartment "Alex too busy? Or you have too much to drink?"

Erin Lindsay shrugged as she watched her partner try to find his shirt. She wasn't going to tell him that Alex, her sort-of boyfriend, and her had gotten into another fight and had 'broken up'. She wasn't going to admit that she called him because it was better than being alone. they had this routine for the past eight months. She and Alex would fight, 'break up', he'd sleep around with whatever whore he found at the bar that night and she'd call Jay. Then her and Alex would make up a few days later and she and Jay went to professional mode.  
"I think it's in the kitchen" Erin said, as Jay frowned at her "your jacket"

Jay smirked, remembering her haste in shedding him of his clothes. He leaned down, and watched as Erin backed away thinking he was going to kiss her, she didn't want him thinking this was some segue into a relationship. He smirked before picking up his shirt and pulling it back on "Relax. I know the rules" he said before jumping back up from the bed.

Erin flopped back down in her bed as he walked out of the room, pulling the blanket fully over her bare body and closing her eyes. She knew that this situation wasn't fair, to either of them. She had a relationship, of sorts, and Jay had feelings for her. But, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't let him go. She needed him, and he didn't seem to have any problems with their current arrangement.

"Thanks for the call" Jay smiled as he ducked his head back through the door "Just next time, try to do it before 2am. We do have work to go to, you know" he spoke sarcastically before walking out of her apartment.  
Erin rolled her eyes at his comment as she moved on to her side, and tried to her best to fall asleep.

* * *

You only want me when you're lonely.  
You only call me when you're down.  
You only want me when you're lonely.  
But you can't have me now.

Jay ran his hand over his face as he threw his keys into the dish bowl on the side table next to his front door. He walked tiredly through the dark hallway, not noticing the light emitting from the small floor lamp in the kitchen area, or the person sitting at the breakfast bar.

"How's Erin?" Will asked

"Fuck! Will!" Jay yelled as he heard held his hand over his heart, almost having jumped out of his skin thanks to his brother "What the hell are you still doing up?"

"It's kind of hard to sleep when your phone starts ringing at 2:18 in the morning" Will grumbled as he drank his cup of coffee "I have a 4am start at the hospital since Nat and I are taking the night off together. And you didn't answer my question"

Jay gave his brother a pointed look "Because I know exactly what you'll say, you say it every time" he continues walking to his bedrrom

"Because you go every time! Every fucking time Erin calls, you go running like some lost puppy dog looking for it's owner! She only ever calls you when she needs you, when she's lonely. When that prick breaks her heart again. Why do you do this to yourself Jay!?"

"Because I fell for her!" Jay snaps turning to face his brother "I fell for her the first day I met her. And I listened to Voight and I tried to stay away from her, but she wanted this. And I wanted her, and having her in my life any way that I can is better that not having her at all. She's not a bad person Will, she's been through a lot, she's protecting her heart, and this is the only way she know how"

"And whose protecting your heart, Jay?" Will looked his brother straight in the eyes "Because she sure as hell doesn't care about what happens to you" he said before walking out the door and heading to work.

Jay glared at the door for a few moments after his brother left, Will's earlier words replaying in her head. He couldn't let her go. He had fallen hard and fast for Erin Lindsay, and he had to hope that one day maybe she would too.

* * *

 _I don't know what you expected  
_ _Did you think I'd let you,  
_ _Somehow get the best of me, with those pretty little lies?  
_ _I've made that mistake, I've let you crawl back in  
_ _Now I don't have the heart, to fall for you again?_

*2 Weeks Later*

"Come on Er, you gotta work with me here" Jay sighed as he held his drunk partner by her waist, trying to manoeuvre her up the three flights of stairs to her apartment.

"Who cares? It's not like I have someone to go home to" Erin slurred as she leaned her head against his shoulder

"Well no matter what, you've got me" he tried to lighten the mood

"You're just my fuck buddy" she said lifting her head up to look at him "Don't kid yourself mister, you and I both know this is nothing"

Jay couldn't deny that those words hurt. Maybe Will was right.

Jay finally reached her apartment door, and leaned her against the wall, quickly grabbing the pare key that she had placed under the fire extinguisher near her door. He opened the front door to her apartment, and pulled her inside.  
Erin stumbled against Jay towards her bedroom, and Jay lay her down on the bed and slowly tried to pull off her jacket. He was stunned momentarily when she pulled him down and kissed him, rather sloppily given her intoxicated state.

 _Don't tell me you love me,  
Don't say all the right things  
You're having one of those nights, and I know what that means.  
So, you want me right now  
But nothing's really changed, you're still by yourself  
and it's late, too late._

"Whoa, Erin" Jay chuckled as he pushed her away "I think you've had one too many to drink"

"I know what I'm doing Halstead" She said as she fumbled with the buttons on his jeans "Come on Jay"

"No, you and I both know this isn't right" he shook his head, taking a step back from her.

Erin flopped down onto the bed, rolling her eyes "What do you want Jay, you want me to tell you I love you? That we can be together, and live happily ever after?" she grumbled drunkenly, leaning up onto her elbows to look at him "I don't love you Jay, I don't even like you right now" she said falling back onto the bed once more, passing out as the door front door slammed shut.

* * *

Jay walked through the front door of his house, noticing his brother sitting on the couch with his girlfriend Natalie.

"And I can only guess where you were" Will said as he looked away from the screen towards Jay, taken in his brother's rather dejected state "What's wrong?"

Jay's face remained blank "you were right, that's what happened"

Will got up and walked over to his brother, comfortingly placing his arm on Jay's shoulder "I'm sorry Jay, really I am"

Jay scoffed, shaking his head "It was my mistake" he said walking into his room, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Erin groaned as her eyes fluttered open, taking in the bright light streaming through her window before quickly shutting her eyes back closed. Why the hell hadn't Jay closed them? She moved her arms blindly to her left trying to whack Jay and tell him to shut the blinds, but was surprised when she felt cold sheets under her palm. Where was he? How much did she drink last night? Clearly a lot, since she couldn't remember anything that transpired the night before.

She picked up her phone from the bedside table and pressed the number 2 on her speed dial. He picked up after two rings.

 _"Halstead"_

"Hey, it's me. Where's you go?" Erin asked

 _"Back to my house, where else?"_ he answered rudely, sarcastically.

"Oh" she stuttered, taken aback by his tone "Well, what time are you coming over tonight?"

 _I'm not"_ he said

"Did Hank give us a case while I was passed out?" she said with a short chuckle, trying to alleviate the discomfort in their conversation.

 _"No. I just think it's best if we keep things professional"_

Erin scoffed "It's a little late for that wouldn't you say"

 _"What happened was a mistake. You should go back to Alex, or break up with him for good, or continue this stupid ass so-called relationship you two have. But you and me, we're partners. That's it"_ He said firmly

Erin felt her anger rise at his behaviour. If he wanted to end things fine, but why was he being such a dick about it? "Fine" She snapped, before hanging up .

She didn't understand. Jay normally stayed and made sure she was okay the next morning, he would have closed the blinds the night before, and pulled off her jacket and jeans before tucking her into her side of the bed, placing the bin next to her on the floor before laying down on top of the blankets on the other side next to her. She would wake up the next morning and he'd be sitting up on the bed reading the paper, and there would be a cup of coffee sitting on her bedside table. That was their routine, that was the system.  
But so was him coming over on Friday nights, and he seemed to have abandoned that too.

"What the hell happened last night to make him such an ass?" she grumbled to herself as she got out of bed.

She walked into the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee this time around. She was sitting at the table when she heard a knock on the door. She smiled victoriously to herself, it was probably Jay coming back to apologise and 'make it up to her'. She opened the door and was instead met with, not Jay. But Alexander.

"What do you want Alex?" She sighed leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across her chest

"aw come on babe, you know I'm sorry" He smiled as he tried to move closer to her, but she held up her hand. He scoffed, pulling back and straightening his suit "Look, I've got a deposition in two hours, so I've got some time" he smirked as Erin rolled her eyes.

She heard his words in her head.  
 _This stupid ass so-called relationship you two have._  
He was right, as always. It wasn't a relationship. They weren't together. They were just with one another. It wasn't anything. It wasn't what she and Jay have. or had, now.  
They were partners.

"We're done Alex. For good this time" She said standing up straight "I'll drop off anything you left here to your apartment tomorrow morning"

Alex looked at her and scoffed, trying not to show his embarrassment at being dumped "Whatever, like it matters, you're just some street cop, a good fuck. I didn't like you anyways" he said before storming off.

Erin flinched as she heard his words, as last night slowly came back to her.

 _"I don't love you Jay, I don't even like you right now"_

"Oh my God" Erin whispered to herself "What the fuck have I done?"

* * *

Jay stared at his phone, the numerous calls from Erin. The texts, asking to meet up and to talk. He knew that she had remembered what happened. And maybe she felt terrible, but honestly, he didn't care. She only ever thought about what she wanted, so why should he care about her? She didn't love him, he knew that.

And now he had to go into work on Monday morning and try his hardest to work with the one girl he may have ever had a future with.  
Jay groaned as he saw the text she just sent through. _You can't hid from me, I'll see you tomorrow._

He flung his phone onto the ground and pulled the blankets up past his face as he groaned in frustration.

Tomorrow was going to suck ass.

* * *

Erin walked slowly up the stairs to the Intelligence Unit office on Monday morning. She had barley slept. She had been calling Jay all weekend, hoping and praying he would pick up. He didn't.

She just hoped they'd have a case that required them to drive around a lot today. He couldn't exactly run from her when they were stuck in a car together. She still couldn't believe what she had said to him. She hadn't meant any of it, she thought he would know better than to listen to her when she's drunk. She knew she had fallen for him a long time ago, but she kept their level of intimacy strictly at a physical level, so she couldn't get hurt.

Erin scoffed to herself as she reached the top of the staircase. 'You just ended up hurting him in the end. Goo job Erin'

"Alright!" Voight yelled, walking up to the whiteboard and sticking a photo onto it "This is Carl Tucker. He's been making quite a name for himself recently with the narcs unit. He's been selling to colleges and party girls, high-end coke and party favours" Voight explained. Erin kept glancing over at Jay, but he just continued to stare at the board as if she didn't exist.

"Narcotics found two girls dead last night, and they Tucker's behind it. But, they don't have enough information to arrest him. They need us to nail this guy. Everyone check in with their CI's and see what you can find" Voight said before walking off.

About 15 minutes later, Jay stood up and walked into Voight's office, closing the door behind him. Erin watched as the two conversed, before she saw Jay nod at something Hank said, before opening the office door and heading out to the carpark. Erin automatically got up and grabbed her coat as she started to follow after him

"Lindsay!" Voight called out. Erin stopped and turned to face her boss and foster-father "Change of plans. You're with me. Antonio! Head out with Jay to check in with his CI, we might have something" Voight yelled as Antonio nodded, following in the direction Jay had just walked.

"You want to explain to me why you're partner of two years all of a sudden requests a mix-up for the week?" Voight said as he and Erin walked into his office.

Erin sighed to herself. She stuffed this up more than she thought. "I'll fix it" she said walking to the door

"You better" Voight said as she walked back to her desk.

 _You only want me when you're lonely._  
 _You only want me when you're down._  
 _You only want me when you're lonely._  
 _But you can't have me now._

* * *

Jay sat on his couch, nursing a cold beer as he watched the Blackhawks game. He would normally invite Erin, but given recent events he thought it was best to distance himself from her. He wondered if Voight had told her his request for a shift in partners. He figured not since she didn't confront him about it, but then again he'd been avoiding having to talk to her.

Clearly she didn't remember what happened Thursday night. He knew that she wouldn't have just tried to organise a hook-up with him the next night if she had. He couldn't help but feel like an idiot. He knew better than to fall for someone like Erin. She would never want him the way he wanted her. He had to accept that and move on.

"To moving on" he mumbled before downing the remaining three-quarters of his beer.

"Damn, you're really going all in" Will chuckled "How many beers is that now? Or do you even remember?" he joked

"I've only had two smart ass" Jay said as there was a knock on the door. Will signalled for him to stay put, assuming it was Natalie since she was supposed to be dropping by when her shift finished so they could have dinner. Will opened the door and was face to face with Erin.

"Hey" Erin smiled as she looked at Will.

"Can I help you?" Will replied defensively. Erin's smile fell. Of course Will wouldn't be happy with her either.

"Uh, is Jay home?"

"Can't you just leave him alone Erin? I think you've hurt him enough"

"It's not like that Will?" Erin defended

"Then what is it like, huh?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest

"Will" Both Erin and Will looked to see Jay now standing behind his brother. Jay gave his brother a thankful smile and pat on the shoulder, letting him know he could handle the situation. Will looked at Erin one last time before walking back into the apartment. Jay shut the door behind him, stepping into the hallway.

"Uh, hi" Erin smiled

"What do you want Erin?" Jay asked, not returning the smile.

"Can we talk?" she asked

"I'm here. Talk" he stated

Erin looked Jay, desperately willing the tears not to form in her eyes. She couldn't believe how she had hurt him.

"I'm sorry"

"For what? It's not like we were anything. Just fuck buddies, isn't that right Erin?" Jay quoted.

"You know that's not true. You know you mean more to me than that. Please Jay" she pleaded

"Please what Erin? You made it pretty clear what your feelings are. And I'm the idiot who fell in love with his partner only to have his heart broken by her. Lesson learned, you can go now" he spoke, his voice cold.

"I didn't mean what I said that night Jay! I was drunk!" Erin defended "Alex and I are done. I broke up with him, it's different than the other night Jay"

"And what about every other night? What about all those nights that you'd call at 2 am after you and Alex had fought, and he'd cheated on you yet again! How many nights was I the one there, the one who comforted you? I was there Erin, and yet you still went crawling back to him!"

"I was afraid okay!?" She exclaimed, feeling the situation spin out of control.

"Oh, because having two guys at your disposal is such a terrible thing to fear" he bit out sarcastically

"I was afraid because I love you!"

Jay looked at her, stunned. Had she really just said that?

"I love you. And anyone I've ever loved, or who by some miracle has loved me, ends up hurt. My mum's a drug addict, my brother ended up in a child-pornography ring. Charlie hurt Annie, he hurt me. I've seen countless people I loved get hurt, and I couldn't let it happen to anyone else" She spoke as the tears finally fell free from her eyes.

"I'm sorry" she said as she broke down.

Jay stared at her for a few minutes. He wanted to believe her, and deep down her did. But he knew that the next choice he made would define the both of their futures. How they would go on from this moment.

Erin cried as she dropped to the floor, the flood gates had opened, and she couldn't stopped them even if she wanted to.  
She felt a pair of arms wrap around her and looked up to see Jay, his chin resting on her head as he held her in his arms.

"I got you" he murmured as she cried harder. It was true, he got her. From that very first day in Intelligence, he had her, and she knew it.

They stayed there, on the floor, in the middle of the hallway of his apartment complex, for a couple more minutes as Erin's crying subsided.

"I'm so sorry" She whispered against his chest "If I could take back what I said-"

"I know" Jay cut her off "But I can't do this anymore Erin. I won't be just another notch in the bedpost. It's your choice, you're either all in or all out. But you have to choose. We can start fresh right here, or we can leave it all behind. It's going to be hard work, but it'll be worth it. I promise"

Erin placed her hand on his cheek, her thumb brushing against the slight stubble as she leaned up and kissed his lips softly

"All in" she whispered against his lips as he smiled.

* * *

 **A/N: And, there you go! This is officially the longest one shot I have ever written. I hope you all liked it! I wanted to make the ending happy but not like Jay just instantly forgave Erin, so I hope I achieved that.**

 **If you're reading, Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought about it - if there's parts I could improve on, if there's parts you didn't like, or liked more than others, etc.**

 **Have a good weekend (Looking forward to CPD COMIN** **G BACK THIS WEEK! WOOHOO!)**

 **\- Maddie :)**


End file.
